Words that just get the hair on your neck to stand up

I am leading the search process for the new Executive Director position at a local LGBT center. We have had some qualified candidates on the slate and are painstakingly interviewing, cutting, interviewing, cutting, interviewing...you get it. So one candidate looks on paper to be over qualified skill wise and one wonders what would be the motive to interview for a small non-profit when you have a large scale government job. Not my position to judge this candidate's motivation but it does cross your mind. How could it not?

I digress. Some have argued in favor of finding an LGBT person to head up the LGBT center believing that only someone in the community can speak on behalf of the community. I don't subscribe to this 100% but I do agree that the chosen applicant must be able to adequately represent the community even if not "part" of it by orientation identity.

This particular candidate tonight kept using the words "sexual persuasion" "lifestyle" "sexual life choice" "alternative lifestyle". I admit I have heard one gay identified co-worker use some of these terms in his general language and he sees no problem with it. I, however, was struck repeatedly, with each utterance of these terms in such a way that I couldn't focus on the answer to the question but just dwelled on the language being used. It is so opposite of how I see my life and my identity. I don't see how you can speak about the LGBT community and feel that you are qualified to represent us when you don't get the distinctions between choice/persuasion/lifestyle and the fact that we just ARE. We exist as we do. A choice is what color shirt to wear today. It could be a choice as to how out you want to be. A lifestyle is my choice to eat out in NYC restaurants for most of my meals rather than cooking at home. Orientation is something different altogether. It is the core of your direction. The compass guiding your life. I never made a choice to be a lesbian - it is just me and being part of the LGBT community is something I can never separate myself from.